Tag Archives: game of thrones

14 reasons we suddenly find Petyr Baelish extremely attractive

1. Gillen is a character actor and has a secret boner all through The Mountain and the Viper.

2. Related but not contradictory: Aidan Gillen is just bringing it right now.

3. Secretly ship GothSansa/Petyr (no no no we are horrible).

4. Smart is sexy and heedless, weaselly cunning is kind of like smart?






5. Someone slipping us a love potion in our pre-episode beer.

6. Hormones.

7. Accent confusion distracts and distorts our emotions.

8. Just really like lemon cakes.

9. We’ve got a thing for salt and pepper.









10. We were bored and he was, you know, just kind of there.

11. “Mockingbird” triggered our Hunger Games endorphins.

12. We like a well-cut tunic.

13. Remember when Ned Stark was still alive, and he just needed a shower like, every moment?






14. Oberyn, Ned, Robb, and Renly dead.



The Mountain and the Viper

I mean, OMG, and all of that.  Maybe I am thrown into a deep deep depression whose name is Oberyn Martell.  Just maybe.  Are you there with me?

Let’s get to it then.

I just want to say that this is an interesting and kind of odd introductory scene: secondary horrible characters who we don’t know and are quickly slaughtered.  But beyond that, this wandering long shot of the prostitute and her harassment of Gilly.  It’s done in a hyperrealistic way which is different from the typical filming.  Alex Graves is an old pro but maybe he just wanted to try something new?  The “slice of life” thing does fit in with all the snapshots we see of the actual people of Westeros: not the warriors or the kings or the houses, just regular people suffering immensely.  Anyway, this scene is shot in a very modern and meandering way and I’m not quite sure why.  The quick cut from the slaughter scene to Samwell is also abrupt and strange.

Do we ever know why the Wildlings are just killing innocent villagers left and right?  I mean, I guess to enrage the Night’s Watch and have them come out to fight in the open.  But jeez oh man.  Maybe spare the kids and old women?  Do they hate southerners so much?

The Missandei-Grey Worm stuff is trying to be innocent and cute, and I’m trying to like it, but it’s awfully awkward.  First off – Dany is a stone cold bitch about the Unsullied and their man parts.  She’s all telling Missandei to get over her hangups, stop thinking about eunuchs, and get with the program.  Missandei is obviously way uncomfortable with Dany’s new Samantha persona.

Grey Worm is a pretty bad colonial fantasy: he values his slavery and deformation because of his eventual freedom.  Slavery was fine because now he gets to hang out with the nice white lady who saved him.  I realize GRRM didn’t write from the most modern of standpoints in terms of avoiding racial and harmful stereotype cliches, but the show could work to do a little better.  Plus we all know what Snoop thinks:

Then Missandei and Grey Worm in the throne room: awkwaaaaaard.  Maybe one day it will be cute.  They’ll probably both die horribly, though.  That’s what you do to my heart, Game of Thrones.  You just rip it out over and over again.

Ok: the Boltons, creepy or the creepiest?  I feel like Alfie Allen is doing some great work but it’s so sad it’s hard to savor.  This scene is a callback to Theon’s taking of Winterfell, with a grand speech of resistance and then a blow to the head.  What’s past is prologue.

Theon’s entire story just got reset.  The Boltons are the dark Starks: the (now legitimized) curly-haired bastard son, and the hard-ass father, warden of the north.  And poor, poor Theon as prisoner, once again.

His tears, as he tries to stammer out his name!  Ah, kill me.  A friend of the book series told me that what was appealing to her was how almost all the characters changed in one way or another, and you often felt sympathy or found yourself rooting for someone you had hated earlier.  People change, were redeemed, etc.  I asked: even Theon?  She looked very sad for a moment and said “Even Theon.”

Amazing camera work when Ramsay is giving Theon his pep talk.  Theon is hemmed in by Ramsay’s body, we only see his eyes peek out from his shoulder, nervous and darting back and forth.

Ok: THE GOOD STUFF.  Sansaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa power!

Amazing camera work, once again, in Baelish’s interrogation scene.  It starts with a close-up of his face and he’s calm and controlled, but you can see his annoyance at the highborn lords and lady’s line of questioning.  He expects it and is annoyed by it all the same.  In some ways, it’s almost like he’s a child again, learning to bow to all the “betters” he was surrounded by.  We flip to his small form dwarfed by the foreboding committee, all hyper focused on him.  And then: a mention of Sansa.  Suddenly we’re above him, we can almost see the sweat forming on his brow.  He’s not prepared for this one and she could absolutely unravel everything in a moment.

Sansa is my girl, as you may recall.  Here is everything Sansa does:

First she makes him squirm.  She lets him know, through her faux-apology, that his entire fate rests in her hands.  She probably could have gotten him imprisoned or thrown out the Moon Door, and the kind lords of the Vale would take care of her as an allied family.

But she doesn’t.

Sansa lived her life in fear and powerless at King’s Landing.  She was, as she said, without any friends or allies there.  Sansa gets a lot of flak but I just see a young girl surviving: figuring out when to stay quiet, who to watch, when to lie and about what.  And although she didn’t have any grand transformation like Arya, she had been quietly learning all along from Cersei, Margaery, Olenna, and Shae.  Maybe she finally realized that men have loved her, men like Baelish and the Hound, who did see her frailty and wanted to shelter her instead of abuse her.

Now she is using herself.  She’s using her character, from King’s Landing, of the naive and fearful girl to play everyone right into her hands.  How could anyone ever expect little Sansa to tell a lie, when she cries so sweetly?

Here is what else she does: she safeguards herself against Baelish, as much as she can.  By telling her identity and story to the lords and lady of the Vale, she knows they will be looking out for her welfare.  She lets slip that Petyr kissed her, only to say it was a “peck on the cheek” – a lie, to remind Baelish that she still holds the power over this narrative.  She emphasizes Petyr is an uncle to her, to ward him off any unseemly signs of affection in public.

Not that it’s going to help.  Petyr is so turned on right now it’s shameful.  And I’m thoroughly ashamed of digging this storyline.  Sexy evil Baelish and goth Sansa 4-eva!

SER JORAH BREAKS MY HEART.  And that is all I have to say about that.

Ok all that Bolton stuff is over so back to the Petyr and Sansa show.

Sophie Turner looks so young in these scenes it’s like she’s gone beyond and become a symbol of youth.  All of her scenes in the Eyrie look like they’re from dramatic 17th century paintings.  Petyr is kind of in awe of her but he also hates owing her.  He challenges her, saying she doesn’t really know who he is or what he wants.  Until Sansa looks him in the eyes, with her sad knowing stare, and strikes him speechless.  Beautiful women have always been men’s downfall in stories, even the smartest and most cunning of men.

What I see in these scenes is Sansa taking her place as the lady of the Eyrie.  In King’s Landing she was nothing.  Now she has schemed enough to be protected and loved by those in power.  What’s more, she is assuming the roles of both her mother and Lysa.  Catelyn was the chase, Lysa was the partner in crime.  Sansa acknowledges Baelish’s affections, she will partner with him in his schemes, but will she really love him?  (Lysa said no).

Oberyn deserves his own post.  More to come tomorrow.




Game of Fucking Thrones: Mockingbird

Game of Throoooooooones.

I finally have a reliable way of viewing episodes almost as quickly as they come out, so let the reviews begin!

Tyrion’s journey in this episode is to truly and fully embrace the hatred of his family, and bring about his complete split with them.  The Lannisters value family above all else and he led a battle to defend his family and his family’s city.  Now he has to be pushed so far that he can destroy them.

That’s why he looks so disappointed when Jaimie doesn’t seem on board with using his death for noble, family-spiting purposes.  It’s not because Jaime won’t do it.  It’s because Tyrion is pushed so much farther than Jaime.  Jaime was always Tyrion’s one ally, however ineffective, and now he won’t even follow Tyrion on this grand quest to destroy their own family.  It is, after all, the only right thing to do.

Charlie Jane Anders over at io9.com is revealing that the scene with the dying man meeting Arya and the Hound is straight from Beckett, the actor a popular theater/Beckett actor.  But even better he’s the luggage salesman in the greatest movie ever, Joe vs. the Volcano.

This episode is about sharing and backstories.  But it’s also about people being pushed to the end and further.  People who are so low they have nothing to lose, so they reveal something true about themselves, or can hear truth from others.  Tyrion hears he is nothing from Jaime and Bronn, and he shares every wrong impulse that drove him to this place to Jaime.  He also comes to terms to his true relationship (evident all along) to Shae and Bronn.  Arya and the Hound can reveal their names and true relationship (“captor”) to the dying man, because he’s dying.  In fact, Arya tells him her last name to force the Hound to kill him.  Watch how sharply she says it, after a pause, and the jolt to Sandor, and how Arya does not flinch when the deed is done.

Personal pet peeve relief: I think Sandor wiping his blade off is the first time I’ve ever seen that action on this show.  I always took Aslan’s advice to heart and couldn’t believe how many fake knights DO NOT CLEAN THEIR SWORDS.  Come on, people!

The Hound is all about his bff Arya this episode.  He looks to her reaction constantly – especially when they hear that Joffrey is dead.  And he wants to help with her list.

Daenerys’ eyebrows are getting darker.  I hate that they don’t dye Cersei’s or Khaleesi’s.

There is zero chemistry between Daenerys and Daario.  I am on team boring Daario.  There are so many actors in the world who do nothing but ooze sexuality and they picked this dude?

The scene between Daenerys and Jorah either says something true about their relationship or something Daenerys is using, and either way she’s a bad ass.  She knows immediately she’s hurt Jorah by sleeping with Daario.  She doesn’t have to justify herself to Jorah, but she does have to make him feel better.  She offers what is either a convincing act or true friendship and gratitude – when she clasps his hands, when she takes his advice, when she makes it known.  She very deftly repaired any small crack in their relationship and allowed Jorah to do the legwork.

I think here Jorah is also fighting against her going full Targaryen.  I think in the books especially there’s this fear that she has the hidden Targaryen crazy bloodlust, and being that she is so young and so powerful, it could come out.  Jorah is pleading with her using his own story to call on her humanity.  You can see her mania come full stop when he talks about the fate of his own head.

Also Danaerys gets soooooooome.  Get it guuurl.

Also: no full frontal male nudity HBO?  Seriously?

Ok: Arya and the Hound.  I want to nominate Peter Dinklage for Best Actor Emmy and Rory McCann and Pedro Pascal can duke it out for Supporting.  Probably all for this episode.  Sandor’s “I wasn’t stealing it I was just borrowing it” is the saddest thing to happen in Game of Thrones and just think to what I’m comparing it.  Like it mattered at all, at any point in time, that you were innocent, poor Sandor.

Sandor has not only reached his honesty breaking point (where, by the way, he kind of admits that he’s fond of little Arya.  If she’s not worth the ransom then why not kill her already?).  He’s feeling the cruelest sting all over again: that of the pain of being betrayed by your family.  Tyrion has been so betrayed (he reaches the point of no return with Oberyn’s story of their meeting) that his hurt will turn back on his family.  Sandor is a monster who’s been alone his entire life since he realized at like, six, that family meant nothing and his life and safety were an afterthought.  This is the best scene.

I don’t know what I can say about the scene between Tyrion and Oberyn that hasn’t already been said.  It is amazing and probably the highlight of the whole season, even with what is to come.  And it does what is so important in storytelling: bring things full circle.  Cersei has wanted Tyrion dead since the minute he was born.  Him on trial and in prison is just one painful long con.

Excellent bit of directing in this scene too.  Watch through Oberyn’s story as the camera switches back and forth between them, but for the end, it just lingers on Dinklage.  Let him do the work.  Thanks for not getting in the way, Alik Sakharov: it’s a rare gift.

Sansa!  Sansa Sansa Sansa.  I am Team Sansa everyone.  She is my long con.  They are making her absolutely beautiful in this season, but I think they are doing it by keeping her plain.  It seemed, I suppose, like her hair was let down a bit more.  Poor darling Sansa just wants five minutes of peace – she wants to go to some place where she’s not afraid and always acting for someone, so she can just feel things.

Everyone’s reviewing her fighting and slapping Robin as an impulsive and childish act.  But I saw it as her finally responding to her world and acting out.  She was engaged to a young, coddled asshole before, who took extreme joy in violence and flew into rages for no reason as well.  Sansa is finally well enough to start thinking of her home, envisioning it whole.  And Robin comes and stomps on it quite literally.  She punishes him, as Joffrey should have been punished, as she wanted to react.  She literally fought to protect her home.  Which is not something she’d been able to do in King’s Landing.

PETYR.  Oh, where to even begin.  My grand theory is that Sansa learns at the foot of Baelish, then smokes the asshole.  Because NOBODY EXPECTS SANSA.  That being said, he’s growing on me.  I think he’s a creepy psychopath but hey, when’s the last time that stopped us and HBO?

Here’s the thing about Baelish: he’s creating chaos, he’s climbing upward, and he doesn’t get caught (yet).  He lies to everyone twenty times over.  He’s supposedly such a powerful figure because nobody knows his motives, or what he wants.  But now we really know one thing he wants: Sansa, as a surrogate for Cat.  I don’t know if I yet believe if Baelish can actually love or if he’s devoid of the true emotion.  But in a safe place, the Eyrie, he showed some of his cards, just like everyone else.  And Lysa is the one at the end of the rope, so he can tell her the actual truth without repercussions.

Sure, Lysa was going to die all along, there’s no denying it.  But I can’t help but think Petyr relished killing her after she threatened the one thing he seems to care about.  What do we do to those who hurt the ones we love?

Proof that Sansa is learning: she knows exactly where Petyr is going.  When he tells Lysa “I have only ever loved one woman my entire life,” she knows it can’t be Lysa.

Lysa’s right, though.  Cat never loved Petyr, and neither will Sansa.  Poor crazy Lysa.  I will miss your crazy face, girl.